Everyday I hear or read the statement "gone too soon."
Sudden and unexpected death opens your eyes to the frailty of life. Healthy and vibrant one moment...gone the next...in an instant. We always plan for tomorrow forgetting that tomorrow is not promised.
We all say that we know that time is limited and that life is short. But we NEVER think it can happen to our child. And NEVER think it could happen without us making a mistake...or from something we had NO control over. But there is peace in that statement if we truly seek peace. We are NOT in control of life and death and therefore cannot be to blame.
We know that death is a part of life but we somehow have been brainwashed to believe that only applies to adults or old people. It is a part of life. Period. Death can knock at anyone's door unannounced and there's nothing we can do about it. Sure we can cry, protest, yell at God, and beg God to take us instead. But it doesn't bring them back...believe me I tried.
Now you may be asking how is talking about life being short helping with healing? Well, closing your eyes in the rain doesn't keep you from getting wet. Refusing to look at the reality of death doesn't make it go away. I personally believe making child loss such a taboo topic makes it harder to process and heal from. We have to stop saying "gone too soon" as if to say God made a mistake or even worse- that humans made a mistake that annulled God's will.
After losing Damani I felt so isolated and alone. There is a sense of shame that comes with being a bereaved parent. People say "gone too soon" to offer comfort but it is actually a punch in the gut. It is the new scarlet letter branded on the forehead. But in this case it stands for Failure! The parent that couldn't keep their child alive. As I've met other parents who feel the same way, I am able to see from the outside that they are not failures or bad parents and there was nothing they could have done differently. It is in being able to say those words to them that I realized that the same words applied to me. There was nothing I could have done to keep my baby here.
Grief is a very lonely and depressing road. But on that road